Haptic

A study in motion

2012-03-05T22:46:00.001-08:00

film from January and February

2012-03-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

I recently got two rolls of film back, some of the photos are from a few parties, some are from trips to east bay and others are just random here and there photos.

semblance

2012-03-01T05:38:00.002-08:00

sem·blance (n) - outward aspect or appearance, an assumed or unreal appearance

I pulled my hair back and bent over. I slid the blond wig over my brunette mane and adjusted the hairline. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw myself, a part of myself that I, or anyone, rarely sees. It was still me; I still had my dark eyebrows, my mustache, and my thin beard but I had acquired a full head of femininity. Sydnei meticulously applied the red lipstick to my lips, fixing the edges with a cotton swab. I moved my lips back and forth, rubbing the guise deeper into my skin. In applying a veil to my visage, I was unearthing a facet of my personality that is not often nurtured or acknowledged. I was exploring and breaking the gender binary using gender expression.

I stood there, bare and completely exposed in full disguise.

These are the resulting photos.

Heaven's Kaleidoscope

2012-02-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

"It pleased me to imagine a presence above us, in continual motion, like liquid stars."

"Lying deep within myself, the symmetry of a snowflake spinning above me, intensifying through my lids, I seized a most worthy souvenir, a shard of heaven's kaleidoscope."

- Patti Smith from the book Just Kids

This quote served as part of the inspiration for this shoot. Channa has this beautiful sheet of fabric that is see through at some angles and glimmers and shines bright pinks and blues and purples when light hits it at certain angles. I've never seen anything like it before. Ever since the first time I laid eyes on it and I wanted to shoot with it, and I finally got to. I also shot a few polaroids but haven't gotten to the lab to scan them yet so they will come later.

film post

2012-02-21T22:00:00.000-08:00

I took a walk around the city by myself and found a Buddhist monastery and a park on top of a hill that looked over the whole city.

nightcall

2012-02-19T20:47:00.002-08:00

Press play:

The first three shots are inspired by Drive and the music of Kavinsky, specifically the song Nightcall.

This is the first time I've shot since Monday and it felt so damn good. The whole week I kept feeling like I wanted to shoot but wasn't being inspired at all so last night I randomly shot with Katie and it was so relieving.

The rest of these are just some experiments.
Reflection and diffusion of light mostly.

Thank you Katie for modeling.

Santa Cruz film

2012-02-09T20:09:00.000-08:00

I went to Santa Cruz this weekend and hiked and hiked and hiked and it was amazing and liberating. It really made me think about where I am, where I'm going to school, my priorities and my life direction. Being in a city is nice but it's not what I want, it's not where I thrive in the way I want to. Anyway, here are pictures from my time there.

I shot a bunch of digital but none of it compares at all to the film I shot. Maybe I'll upload the digital sometime but right now it's not how I felt or what I love about this adventure.

film

2012-02-02T11:59:00.000-08:00

This is a bulk post of film.
Two rolls from December/January and the polaroids from when I shot Annie.

days twenty one through twenty six on polaroids

2012-01-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

Since day twenty, I've been shooting on my land camera most days with the exception of day twenty two. It's now the early mornings of day twenty seven as I write this.

Day Twenty One

I didn't do much of anything, just roamed around my empty house in search of little things. I found a chair in our backyard that used to assist me in looking over the fence that's now falling apart. After I watched the sunset on my roof.

Day Twenty Three

I spent the day, like most of the days, reading the Hunger Games series. After my mom came home, I snapped a picture of her in the kitchen and we had a movie night.

Day Twenty Four

Snapped a few photos of things around the house. Ran up to the top of a huge hill overlooking the city and more hills and just took pictures and got to think. I thought the sunset was almost over so I left to get frozen yogurt and when I came out of the store the whole world was glowing pink and orange and I looked to the sky and saw a magnificent sunset. Sadly, I had run out of color film.

Day Twenty Five

More Hunger Games, I went for a stroll around my mom's new neighborhood in the warm sun. Found my way up another large hill and looked out over the city and thought some more. I took one of my favorite photos I've taken on this new camera (the lonely tree).

Day Twenty Six

I got lunch and frozen yogurt with Yvonne. I broke out my camera and took about two packs of film. We went to the park and saw kids drinking and dogs playing and found our little patch of sun. My land camera had its first issues. I accidentally ripped out the paper needed to pull out a picture and being development and had to open the back of the camera, exposing the last three images in the pack. Later, I pulled on the same said paper and it pulled out two, leaving me with one white picture and an accidental double exposure which reminded me the camera could do that. Later, my grandma gave me a little quote she cut out of a magazine because it reminded her of me.

At the moment I have a mostly positive outlook on my year-long project. But like the last two or three times I tried, I was still motivated at this point. I go back to San Francisco tomorrow and when classes start and I get back into the groove of living there it might get harder to complete but hopefully I'll make it through. Wish me luck.

electric synthetic

2012-01-23T02:07:00.000-08:00

3000B

2012-01-21T14:04:00.000-08:00

Another day of shooting polaroids.

I'm pretty sure that this is my new favorite camera.

There are a few shots from around town and then I shot Naomi in her grandmother's dress.

instant

2012-01-20T00:58:00.000-08:00

I shot my first two rolls of instant film on my new land camera!

I'm so in love with this camera.

The pictures are amazing, they look much better in person though.

Solana came over and I shot a pack of color and half a pack black and white to test it out.

Day sixteen

2012-01-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

As Jack Donaghy would say "BLACKLIGHTATTACK!"

Erika

2012-01-16T18:09:00.000-08:00

I shot Erika in my studio today.

Ever since I first met her a few years ago I've always wanted to capture how beautiful and majestic she is.

I finally got to and I'm glad I did justice to how radiant and strong she is.

Day fourteen

2012-01-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

I shot Solana in my little studio today. Being around someone who fuels creativity is one of the most pure and wonderful things in the whole world.

Day thirteen

2012-01-14T01:10:00.000-08:00

I set up my studio to do day twelve and woke up in the morning and took more studio shots.

I love taking self portraits, of course out of some small place of vanity but more for the documentation and exploration of self. It's a this weird oxymoron or dichotomy; a detached way to observe something that is inherently the most personal and connected thing to myself I can have. I love it.

day seven eight and nine

2012-01-10T02:52:00.000-08:00

Day Seven

I attended the OC Film Festival where Naomi won the award for Best Actor, so proud! Then we went to my house and I shot an abstract piece using lights and metals.

Day Eight

Naomi and I got food and I explored freezing birds mid-flight while we ate Indian food. Then we explored my mom's new neighborhood.

Day Nine

It was warm outside and cold inside so I watched Planet Earth all day instead of going outside haha. Then I watched the sunset from my windows. Then I got stood up by some guy I was supposed to go on a date with which opened my night so I explored my mom's neighborhood more by myself. While I was taking pictures of the stars I looked up and saw two coyotes about 40 feet away from me. One of them was circling around trying to sneak up behind me, it was such an amazing sight. I stood and up and they bolted. I resumed taking pictures but a bit more cautiously. I heard a rustling in the bushes and stood up and saw them 10 feet away from me in a clearing. I jumped and stomped and they ran and I felt so primal and alive. It was beautiful and therapeutic just standing above the city and looking into infinity. It was so quiet and I felt so at peace.

sunshine

2012-01-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

It was so warm today. The sun was so bright and beautiful and relaxing.

Megan and Solana and I jammed and saw a shaved ice truck.

I watched the sunset as I was driving home.

day four

2012-01-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

First of all, press play on this song first then view this post:

Today I fully realized that my mom is moving from the house I grew up in. It was a bitter sweet moment. I love this house but I also love new places. I took pictures of little things that won't be the same anymore once she leaves. I'll miss her being here but my grandma will still be here. I will always remember this place as somewhere that I feel at home and someone I can always call home. Somewhere warm and welcoming and full of love and support. It's where I spent the first part of my life and became who I am today.

day three

2012-01-04T04:42:00.000-08:00

Today was full of downs and ups. There was a beautiful sunset, one that made me miss living here. Later I handed down my T2i to Sarah, who had been using my old XSi, and I handed down my XSi to Megan to use and we all went out and shot. I can't wait to see what they shoot. I was very intrigued with how well my new camera would handle super high ISOs and the erratic colors they produced. It creates such a fragile image file, I love it. Now it's 4:30am and I'm finally going to bed.

day two

2012-01-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

Day two part one:

Fur and hair wraps

Day two part two:

Hiking

hills

2012-01-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

Sarah and I almost missed the sunset and ran around the hills and I still have sand in my shoes.

MMXII

2012-01-01T16:24:00.000-08:00

this is day one

a beginning

of the new year

of a new project

of a liberation

of chasing what you want

of being able to look back

and say that you put your all into it

no matter how much it hurts

and that you loved

as much as you could

doing what you want

doing what you can

being fucking free

living because it's all we have

a life to live, and people to love

happy new year

andromeda

2011-12-31T01:22:00.000-08:00

street lights and star lights

One of my favorite places in Irvine is a hill on Andromeda street that looks over the whole city.

sunlight

2011-12-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

We visited horses and a nursery and I bought a fern for my room and we bathed in the sunlight.

orange

2011-12-27T18:27:00.000-08:00

Naomi and I had an impromptu photo shoot at a park near my house.

Today was so good and warm and happy.

blue

2011-12-26T23:38:00.000-08:00

feeling blue

camera electra

2011-12-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

these are unedited

ultraviolet

2011-12-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

home

2011-12-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

I'm finally home for the holidays! It's so nice to see friends and family again.

But there's still this looming darkness and it's building.

I really want this holiday to be special but I'm afraid my whole family is losing track of what really matters.

I really hope things get better, I really do.

alchemy

2011-12-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

this body of work is a retrospective

nothing is ever finished

it can always be changed and merged and messed with

there are no limits to what can be made

and i love it

i love the absurdity of it all, the dreams, the tricks, the smoke and mirrors

there is something liberating about manipulating reality

something liberating about illusions

creation is liberation

dreams of home

2011-12-12T22:14:00.000-08:00

120mm film shot on my Rolleiflex over Thanksgiving break.

synthetic

2011-12-11T14:55:00.000-08:00

film from october and november

2011-12-07T02:03:00.000-08:00

I recently got back 4 rolls of film from October and November. Three 35mm and one 120mm.

All of the 35mm is shot on my Fujifilm Natura Classica

Most of the 35mm is concert shots because my Natura Classica is the only camera I can bring to concerts. I shot some at TuNe-YaRdS and Skrillex. Then there's just random moments like a few from an Occupy SF rally in early November. The 120mm is from a late night walk with Alex and Channa and then a few shots from home that really mean a lot.

35mm:

Occupy:

Skrillex:

Trip to the East Bay:

Tune-yards and her opening band:

Random moments in and around the dorms:

Finally, this photo in particular is very special to me. This is my mom, she doesn't like having her picture taken. This isn't the best photograph but she has stood in this doorway so many times in my life, whether it was to wake me up for school or greet me when she comes home from work or just to say hi or to accidentally catch me high. She's always there, always there for me. You are the reason I am the man I am today. Thank you, I love you so much, Mom.

120mm:

Walk with Alex and Channa, thanks to Alex for letting me use the bunny mask and to Channa for holding a gross coffee pot:

These last four photographs almost made me cry. They are perfect in my eyes. Three of the most important people in my life. Megan, Naomi, and Sarah. The last image is of all of us, thank you Minnie (above) for pressing the shutter. I was like "Okay lets make it a serious one and Megan and I started laughing right before she pressed the shutter. Woops hahahaha

reflection, refraction

2011-12-04T22:11:00.000-08:00

bending light

urban exploration

2011-12-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

Monday night.

Thank you Hawna and David.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful and warm Thanksgiving meal with family and friends. It was the most fun I've had at a family holiday because I'm finally old enough to actively socialize.

The next night though, I received heart breaking news which rattled my faith in humanity. The following few days were sort of hard. I had so much fun with my friends but there was always a dark presence in the back of my mind. Never before have I witnessed something so evil; consuming, destroying and ripping apart love without even being present. Luckily there was a huge balance of love and warmth and kindness the whole weekend. I hung out with all my closest friends. I went to the Occupy Irvine camp which was near enlightening. I can't believe the momentum and passion of that little village, I'm definitely a supporter. Coming home made me realize how much I appreciate my home and how much I miss it. It almost made me realize fully so many other things:

I'm becoming an adult, I can feel it happening.

I always have to look out for myself first.

We as a people and as individuals have the power to change anything.

We are all creations of this universe, we are the universe, creations of the universe to observe itself.

Most importantly,

I have already won at life because I have won at love.

I've realized the people around me are the most important and most valuable thing in my life. The love I feel for my friends and family is stronger than any evil.

moon beams

2011-11-20T18:40:00.000-08:00

and some others from today:

trip to the east bay

2011-11-19T06:28:00.000-08:00

I went to visit Megan for a quiet night in Hayward. It's so nice to have a friend from home living relatively close.

Body, Lights, and Hands

2011-11-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

The following three series were shot consecutively in about a two hour period. Just me, my camera, and some music.
First,

Body

Self exploration through the camera in a way I haven't before.

Inspired by Bruce Nauman's photos and videos.

At first, I was uncomfortable to have this photo in the set because it is very personal and revealing. I'm not completely comfortable with my body but I just really love this shot.
This image is a combination of this series and an interlude into the next:

Light

I also did a series on light, shooting directly into sources of light with distortion.
It was a study of light and the various forms it can take with manipulation, including color and shape.

Hands

This series in a way combines two former series to explore the way I can interact with light and distort it using my body. My hands are probably my favorite part of my body and have such a strange and strong connotation to them. Pieces focused on hands have always intrigued me and I feel that my hands are very photogenic.

queens

2011-11-16T17:06:00.000-08:00

for me, beauty is the acceptance of one's self as a whole

i love the idea that portraiture can reveal a person's inner self worth and sense of beauty

i'm tired of the archetype of beauty in today's society

it is prevalent in all aspects of our culture

beating a dead horse, i know

but meeting the characters i've met on this part of my journey has made me aware

aware that this isn't going away

no matter how much we think we are more accepting

all i'm trying to do is show a different perception of beauty

not only in skin color and weight but in energy

attitude and exuberance

i feel these portraits are a testament to my personal exploration

a discovery of beauty in places i've always overlooked

8am

2011-11-13T01:01:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 8am, walked to the Golden Gate bridge with Megan then we went shopping all before noon.

ooh nani

2011-11-13T00:50:00.000-08:00

I saw Nani's outfit tonight and took some pictures. I took a few of other fierce girls too. ;)

Dia De Los Muertos

2011-11-10T19:59:00.000-08:00

I went to a Dia de Los Muertos event in Garfield park. It was so beautiful and interesting and it made me think a lot about death and celebrating life and love.

2011-11-07T16:24:00.000-08:00

I went out with Katie, Jake, and Karlee to shoot for my "Isolation" assignment.

I didn't shoot much for the assignment, I ended up just messing around with manipulation and distortion while shooting.

I especially loved the glow I got from my broken 50mm + unfocusing during exposure.

and another for the Twisted series:

Red and Blue

2011-11-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

Turned a shitty day into creative energy.
These are unedited.

Fur and a desk lamp

2011-11-02T17:01:00.000-07:00

I recently got back a roll of 120 film. It was from when I shot Hawna in my room.

Digital photos from this shoot:

I still have a roll of black and white from this shoot to develop!

A few months worth of film

2011-11-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

I got my film back on Saturday and got around to scanning the negatives tonight.

All of these were shot on my new Fuji Natura Classica. I was pretty pleased with the results, there were quite a lot that I wasn't too satisfied with but that happens.

Okay blah blah here:

Ghosts

2011-10-31T14:53:00.000-07:00

Shot for an assignment called Time and Space.

It's Halloween how could I not be inspired by it ahaha

Happy Halloween!

A series of self portraits.

2011-10-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

Identity.

Little Italy and Chinatown

2011-10-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

I had to shoot a neighborhood for class and I chose Little Italy. I walked there and just shot for about 4 hours trying to take in the whole area, discovering it with my camera. I walked home through the border of Little Italy and Chinatown. I eventually ended up watching groups of Chinese men gamble and do drugs in a park. It was a really fun day of exploring, I'm definitely doing it again soon.

I am really in love with this city.

Not gonna leave it until it's much too late.

2011-10-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

when you love someone, but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

my song is love
my song is love, unknown
but I'm on fire for you, clearly
you don't have to be alone
you don't have to be on your own

and I'm not gonna take it back
and I'm not gonna say, "I don't mean that"
you're the target that I'm aiming at
and I'm nothing on my own
got to get that message home

and I'm not gonna stand and wait
not gonna leave it until it's much too late
on a platform I'm gonna stand and say
that I'm nothing on my own
and I love you, please come home

I couldn't decide between the edited version of this and the original so here's both:

Discovery

2011-10-25T02:01:00.000-07:00

Katie and I set out to this path I had visited the night before that overlooked the whole city and led down to the Little Italy, China Town and Coit Tower. Finding our way through these little sub cities was so intriguing. I love just going out and finding a new place with a new culture. A new microcosm of a San Francisco, so full of feeling and interaction. It's really beautiful and exciting. There's such a simple freedom in discovery.

We are adventurers.

I've got nowhere to go. I'm being consumed.

2011-10-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's starting to feel lonely in this big city. There's so many people and it's so impersonal. Self reliance is such a huge part of this journey. I'm sitting on my bathroom floor. I'm supposed to be doing homework which i forgot about until today. I'm having so much trouble organizing my priorities and it's starting to impact everything. There's so many places to put my energy, so many outlets and I feel like it's overwhelming. My attention span has shorted dramatically, you can even tell in the way I'm writing this. Slowing down is almost impossible, slowing down requires so much time. I'm losing the ability to keep my balance and be stable in my environment. Being immersed in my real life as well as a social network life is so taxing. The internet and I don't get along well and we get along too well, it's toxic. My excuse for a disgusting overuse of the internet is network and "playing the game the game to get anywhere." I'm already someplace, why can't I just be there, here. It makes me so sad. I deleted my flickr, facebook, twitter, tumblr, everything a while ago to free myself and I only came back more involved. I realized complete disconnection is not the answer, and again I'm realizing neither is being completely wired. I'm losing self control. I've conquered other demons involved overuse, I guess that's one of the reoccurring themes in my life, overuse, addiction, temptation, living a dichotomy. I can identify the darkness of it coming, I can feel it all over. It starts a cloud of something, something heavy and forms eventually and falls down on my life. My usual solution is drastic change. My environments facilitate drastic change. All of the times I've successfully (for the most part) defeated the enemy, it's been slow and difficult. Back and forth and everywhere in between. Always, it's always one or the other. Everything is in an infinite loop yet nothing is ever the same. I just have to remember that the cycle will eventually move back to a better place and come back to the low where I am now and I guess where I'm heading unless I change something. It's a universal law, it's just cause and effect, action and reaction, reality. That's where I need to be, in this reality, not in a virtual one. The virtual reality is an exaggerated reflection of the individual and the whole, how we perceive ourselves personally, our interactions and relationships with our world. I have this beautiful and terrible world around me that I need to face and acknowledge. I'm done being stuck. I'm done. I need freedom. I will have freedom.

I'm going to post pictures that I feel represent either glimpses of freedom or the opposite or just reflections.

This day was so lonely but it was beautiful. I sat a on big windy hill for an hour waiting for this shot.

Being in nature with love and friendship is something beyond words.

Again, experiencing the a wonder of our world under the warm sun with love can't be topped.

This was at Outside Lands. Music and nature.

We weren't supposed to be on this roof but throwing away the regard for restrictions can sometimes be the most freeing.

Sarah Bryant. I could write a book on the things I feel for her but simply put, she will always be one of the people who frees me from myself when I need it. She is a treasure of my life.

This was the night before I left for college. We celebrated our freedom that night.

This is literally and metaphorically a reflection. Everything around me was so new the only where I could look for a constant was myself.

I was so inspired this night. I was very inspired by Hiroshi Sugimoto. Inspiration is a catalyst for freedom.

Golden Gate park is a beautiful place when it's not filled with people.

I used to think everything was beautiful. I still think everything is beautiful, it's just clouded it seems.

I miss hiking. I miss just being able to wander.

I admire these ladies, they know freedom.

Wired. The opposite of freedom.